Is the Selfie Healthy?
Call me an armchair psychologist (or bitter old cow). Take your pick, but I’ve always had a suspicion that women of a certain age hmm hmm…who feel the need for constant Selfies need to spend more time in front of a shrink than in front of the camera…the rationale that most are not playing with a full deck (almost always a full rack tho).
Little did I know, however, that one unsuspecting evening in the upscale neighborhood of Buckhead, Atlanta, GA…this theory would be put to bed, passed out drunk my guess.
I was sitting at the bar with my friend minding my own business when this woman strutted her stuff up to the spot next to me with all the “swaying hips” of a runway model making her debut at NY Fashion Week. Instead of buying a drink, she turned her back to the bar, arched it “seductively,” arm stretched out high with her hand toting the latest iPhone, the only thing missing a “Selfie Stick” (and a stick up her a**)!
With more pout that Donald Duck and a gaze so steely, it made her look like she was auditioning for a part in Zoolander 2, I said to her, “What’s with the Selfies.” A perfectly reasonable question, I thought, since I don’t get the whole “Selfie” business the thinking a neon sign saying “LOOK AT ME, I’M INSECURE” would work just as well! As she continued to pout and preen like she was at a Vogue photoshoot, she responded not missing a beat “It’s because I’m hot”!! Alrighty then!
Now I’ve been told I’m hot; my Chinese Acupuncturist says to me all the time “You’re too hot,” but somehow I didn’t think this chick was talking about her inflammation and more that she thought she was smoking hot ?. “And was she hot”? You ask! Yes, she was attractive (credit where credit is due) but coming from a culture where we find it hard enough to receive compliments, let alone give ourselves them her response left me bereft. Would a woman say that out loud? I mean on my best day I might think, “not looking too bad Clare” but I would never say “I’m hot,” not out loud at least!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m down for all this female empowerment and self-love malarkey, but when does “self-love” stop being lovely and start being bloody annoying? That’s right it ends with non-stop Selfies: not limited to bathroom Selfies, the gym Selfies and my favorite the “I just woke up with my perfectly coiffed hair and makeup Selfie! Maybe it’s because I wake up looking like Shrek on a good day that I’m not buying what the “Good Morning Selfie” is trying to sell me (or any Selfie for that matter…I’ve got photoshop too)!
Back to “Bar Chick Selfie.” As she continued to stare into the camera trying to get that money-insta-shot, unaware that she had unwittingly strutted her stuff into the crosshairs of a “pet peeve” of mine, the Selfie, I watched mouth agape as she tried to channel her inner Kim Kardashian in a crowded bar. “Make sure you get a good one,” I teased. Not in the mood for commentary from a casual observer she called me “an old c**t” and “an old hag” before trotting back to her date. Yes, she was on a date, I mean, what could be hotter than your “hot,” date taking pictures of herself in a bar?
As she trotted back to her date, I turned to my girlfriend, “You’ll never believe what just happened.” Before I could say “Titos & Soda with a lime,” “Ms. Selfie” had crept up behind me, and with the same gusto, she applied to her posing, yanked my head backward almost bloody scalping me in the process. Now I know some of you ladies might be down for a Lil hair pullin’ in the bedroom, but this wasn’t sexy, and Ms. Selfie was not playing and left with a handful of my hair in her hand.
It took two guys to pull her off me; meanwhile, I said nothing did nothing, fearing she’d unleash her full Crazy Town on me. As one of the guys said, “We like a woman in the street, a freak in the bed but darn….” The best part, however, came shortly after my near decapitation when she went to sit on a barstool and completed missed it falling flat on her face on the floor.
So is the Selfie Healthy or is it Code for Crazy?
