Category: Uncategorized

Home  ›  Category "Uncategorized"

Is the Selfie Healthy?

Call me an armchair psychologist (or bitter old cow). Take your pick, but I’ve always had a suspicion that women of a certain age hmm hmm…who feel the need for constant Selfies need to spend more time in front of a shrink than in front of the camera…the rationale that most are not playing with a full deck (almost always a full rack tho). 

Little did I know, however, that one unsuspecting evening in the upscale neighborhood of Buckhead, Atlanta, GA…this theory would be put to bed, passed out drunk my guess.

I was sitting at the bar with my friend minding my own business when this woman strutted her stuff up to the spot next to me with all the “swaying hips” of a runway model making her debut at NY Fashion Week. Instead of buying a drink, she turned her back to the bar, arched it “seductively,” arm stretched out high with her hand toting the latest iPhone, the only thing missing a “Selfie Stick” (and a stick up her a**)!

With more pout that Donald Duck and a gaze so steely, it made her look like she was auditioning for a part in Zoolander 2, I said to her, “What’s with the Selfies.” A perfectly reasonable question, I thought, since I don’t get the whole “Selfie” business the thinking a neon sign saying “LOOK AT ME, I’M INSECURE” would work just as well! As she continued to pout and preen like she was at a Vogue photoshoot, she responded not missing a beat “It’s because I’m hot”!! Alrighty then!

Now I’ve been told I’m hot; my Chinese Acupuncturist says to me all the time “You’re too hot,” but somehow I didn’t think this chick was talking about her inflammation and more that she thought she was smoking hot ?. “And was she hot”? You ask! Yes, she was attractive (credit where credit is due) but coming from a culture where we find it hard enough to receive compliments, let alone give ourselves them her response left me bereft. Would a woman say that out loud? I mean on my best day I might think, “not looking too bad Clare” but I would never say “I’m hot,” not out loud at least!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m down for all this female empowerment and self-love malarkey, but when does “self-love” stop being lovely and start being bloody annoying? That’s right it ends with non-stop Selfies: not limited to bathroom Selfies, the gym Selfies and my favorite the “I just woke up with my perfectly coiffed hair and makeup Selfie! Maybe it’s because I wake up looking like Shrek on a good day that I’m not buying what the “Good Morning Selfie” is trying to sell me (or any Selfie for that matter…I’ve got photoshop too)!

Back to “Bar Chick Selfie.” As she continued to stare into the camera trying to get that money-insta-shot, unaware that she had unwittingly strutted her stuff into the crosshairs of a “pet peeve” of mine, the Selfie, I watched mouth agape as she tried to channel her inner Kim Kardashian in a crowded bar. “Make sure you get a good one,” I teased. Not in the mood for commentary from a casual observer she called me “an old c**t” and “an old hag” before trotting back to her date. Yes, she was on a date, I mean, what could be hotter than your “hot,” date taking pictures of herself in a bar?

As she trotted back to her date, I turned to my girlfriend, “You’ll never believe what just happened.” Before I could say “Titos & Soda with a lime,” “Ms. Selfie” had crept up behind me, and with the same gusto, she applied to her posing, yanked my head backward almost bloody scalping me in the process. Now I know some of you ladies might be down for a Lil hair pullin’ in the bedroom, but this wasn’t sexy, and Ms. Selfie was not playing and left with a handful of my hair in her hand.

It took two guys to pull her off me; meanwhile, I said nothing did nothing, fearing she’d unleash her full Crazy Town on me. As one of the guys said, “We like a woman in the street, a freak in the bed but darn….” The best part, however, came shortly after my near decapitation when she went to sit on a barstool and completed missed it falling flat on her face on the floor.

So is the Selfie Healthy or is it Code for Crazy?

Death of a “Saleswoman”

I remember one of my first observations when I arrived in the US, twenty years ago, was that everyone I met had an Accountant or a Financial Planner. Perplexed by the need to have either; I came from a country where the government automatically taxed you (unless self-employed), we had Socialized Healthcare and the primary investment vehicle, was the company pension. Nobody, I knew owned stocks, and the only thing I knew about “a 10-K” was that it had four zeros!

However, what I did know, is that I didn’t want to play the role of “Willy Loman,” the protagonist in “Death of a Salesman,” by Arthur Miller, in my own life and be defined by my biggest deal, enslaved by the mantra “You’re only as good as your last sale.” Even in my twenties, I knew that one day, I wanted to live a life unencumbered by the Corporate Machine, but “just how” to do it, was the million-dollar question, and one so familiar to those of us chasing the elusive American Dream.

The lure of a steady paycheck, while arguably a powerful force, becomes an ineffectual lever over time. A paradox, in itself, it invites us to follow the road well-traveled blindly, instead of our heart’s desire, one I know so well. We collectively become Pavlov’s Dog. Salivating at the promise of that commission check, that promotion or peer recognition, whatever the trigger might be. And only after years on automatic pilot, do the feelings of diminishing return set in, where you work harder to stand still. “The Winner” becomes worn out. A cycle of “rinse and repeat” prevails, and the realization that it will never be enough, and that you have one life to live. 

I was lucky to break my “co-dependency” to Corporate America, and its endless KPI’s thanks to the Financial decisions I made in my 20’s when I was barely making anything and didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Every day, I thank my younger self for having the wisdom to invest for a rainy day. The foresight to not blow my commission checks. And the strength of character to choose practicality over vanity, when I drove “a piece of s**t car” for years as my peers pissed away their commission checks on high-end leased car payments, all while watching me drive a beaten up 1999 Ford Taurus! It was a running joke, and one I was in on, you could say, since I’ve had the last laugh! 

To all, you young ladies, college-educated or otherwise, if you don’t want to play “Willy Loman” or some washed up “Corporate Exec” in your own life, take control of your Financial Health from the first paycheck. Don’t wait for someone to do it for you. Also, don’t be fooled by your friends/peers with their high-end cars and upscale apartments; most of the time it’s just an illusion all for “show,” or as we like to call it in Scotland, “Fur coat no knickers.” You don’t need to start big; you just need to get started! Educate yourself on stocks, 401k’s, property, anything that can lead you to Financial Independence, and hopefully one day, you will be thanking your younger self!

I believe that the key to living an empowered life is to live one free of financial constraint, to be surrounded by great people, and to give back to those you value, and to society when you can. Financial Freedom allows you the ability to make decisions because you want to and not because you have to. To be with people because you want to, not because you need to. You can’t be bought, you won’t be owned, and likewise, you measure people by their true value, their authenticity, their kindness and not by “what they can do for you.” In doing so, you create amazing and equitable relationships where great people only want the best for you, and you for them.

Married At First Sight

Ladies, c’mon fess up… am I the only one, whose guilty pleasure is “Married at First Fight Sight”?

I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve never been married. Don’t have enough drama in my life. Or need to get a life (or all three) that I look forward to my weekly fix of “CRAY CRAY” and this Slow-Motion Train Wreck…where four couples get hitched straight outta the gate and go through eight weeks of wedded hell before deciding if they want a lifetime of continued hell. 

While this show makes for great TV; a great marriage I’m not sure it makes…since it feels as though…at least the last couple of seasons… that I’ve had a front-row seat to emotional abuse…where I’ve wondered at times what the hell “The Experts” were thinking…putting certain people together. I’m no psychologist, but such is the obvious incompatibility of some couples (from an armchair spectator perspective of course), it does leave me pondering…whether certain people are matched… the sole purpose of making “good TV”, and not necessarily a good marriage… as the show turns emotional abuse into a spectator sport.

Last season’s Kate, whose light we saw dimmed faster than Usain Bolt in the 100 meters…thanks to the verbal whiplash she suffered at the forked tongue of her manipulative and passive-aggressive hubs Luke…has now been replaced by another “desperately-looking-for-love-at-all-costs-including-self-esteem” Amber, who wants so much to be loved (the result of childhood abandonment issues) by her newly beloved Matt, that she makes a doormat look like it’s standing up. Prepared to put out 24/7 to a third-rate Basketball Player, in spite of his blatant disrespect and lack of interest, I find myself wanting to shout “Get a grip girl…where’s your self-respect…you are better than that?” I know I get fired up!

But back to “The Experts”…what made y’all think that a guy whose idea of settling down, is being in one place for more than 5 minutes…who doesn’t have a steady paycheck or own so much as a TV…would be the right fit for a girl who is so wounded…and who so badly craves and needs stability in her life…that you match her with some 30-something loser  nomad…who’s been bouncing around since he was 16-yrs-old…and doesn’t have so much as a pot-to-piss-in or a window to throw it out of! I’m no Dr. Phil either, but even Stevie Wonder could’ve seen this one coming! And yes I know it’s just a show, but this girl is going to need a lifetime of therapy to get over it.

While it’s the “Amber and Matt” relationship, that has me wanting to slap sit down with Amber…with a glass of wine in hand…to discuss the importance of self-worth and knowing your value…it’s Jamie and Beth…another Train Wreck couple…that has me shaking my head…going “why the hell” were they ever matched! And I called this one straight from the comfort of my couch before she stepped her crazy ass in front of the altar. Did anyone else see this one coming a mile away? I mean, isn’t she cuckoo for cocoa puffs…or is it just me?

This one is a classic case of opposites attract repel! I mean, what could go wrong? You have Beth, a “Free Spirited”, “Sage Burning” “Diva” – with a potty mouth and creepy Dad – whose “go-to”… in times of stress, is “F**K You” coupled with dramatic meltdowns…in lieu of adult conversation (because we all know meltdowns and “F U’” work), with Jamie, a neat freak (usually code for OCD & control issues), go-gettin’ Tech-Exec with his Sh*t together (out of the bedroom but sadly not in the bedroom according to the new MRS) who needs to up his sexual game since our Bethie didn’t sign up for “No Basic Caucasian Sex”…and needs more romancing…flowers and a back massage to be precise…to make it “Non Caucasian Sex”.

When they’re not going at it “Basic-Caucasian-Sex-Style” which until now has been the only high point in the relationship says Jamie (paraphrasing of course)…they are going at it with low blows (Jamie would be happy…if it was that kind of low blow)… that would quite frankly have me (or any person with healthy self-esteem) looking for the front door and not the bedroom door…but then again that’s just me.

In my humble opinion… the Beth/Jamie relationship dynamic…is a bit more ”50 shades of grey”(unfortunately for Beth not in the bedroom) in the “blame game” when deciding who’s worse in this toxic duo…since both are very capable of hitting below the belt. Does Jamie bring out the “CRAY CRAY” in Beth…due to his passive-aggressive and condescending jabs…he sure does…but something tells me her “CRAY CRAY” has always been there…and just needs a little stoking before her inner “Chucky” rears its head! And unfortunately for Jamie, there’s no amount of sage burning that’s going to rid him of her “Crazy Town.”

Okay, that’s my 10 cents! To all you love birds out there, if you want to see “how not to communicate,” tune into Married at First Sight on Lifetime every Wednesday at 9.00 pm Eastern.

Know your Currency

My high heels had barely touched UK soil when THE FIRM decided to relocate me again, this time to the good Ol’ US of A – “Land of the Free and Home of the Brave” – and now soon-to-be-home to this Scottish Lassie! From the sophistication of Paris, to the snow capped mountains of Switzerland and now on to the Peach State – would this “Scottish Thistle” find her inner “Southern Belle”- and would she become “Big Boobed” too?

That was 20 years ago ladies…and it wasn’t too long after my Jimmy Choos first set foot in the Peach State…that I soon realized…I’d have a better chance of Finding Nemo than my inner “Southern Belle” (Big Hair and Boobs weren’t my cup of tea) and decided instead to find my Inner Warren Buffett…the thinking…the Stock Market might give me a better ROI than a pair of Double D’s!

Perhaps, it’s because I was born without the luxury of a silver spoon…more a mangled knife, truth be told, or that I had a mother who was always telling me…there’s no such thing as a free meal…that I learned from a young age…that if I wanted something… I had to work for it… and if I wanted more I had to save for it. I know…an original idea!

Even back in my mid-20’s, barely off the plane, still on visas…and not sure whether ICE would deport me one day…I made it my business to take care of business! And that meant contributing to my 401K when I was hardly earning anything…building credit because I had ZERO credit (worse than bad credit), and most importantly, saving and investing for a future that at times seemed uncertain due to my “temporary resident” status!

It therefore never ceases to amaze me that this type of basic Financial Planning, which is so normal to me, be so foreign to others! Ladies did you realize that more than half of Americans have less than $1000.00 in their savings accounts… yes Ma’am! A 2016 Survey showed that 69% of Americans (it’s probably higher for women) have less than $1000.00 in their saving accounts…and even more troubling…only 48% of women have a retirement savings vehicle…that means…y’all are out there spending more money on “mani pedis” and leased car payments… than you’re… putting away for a rainy day.

The “Single Female”…far from a dying breed…close to extinction … is a growing epidemic … and regardless of how you got there…is going nowhere but up…if you look at today’s divorce statistics… people delaying marriage or putting it off indefinitely…which means that…women more than ever…need to get their sh*t together financially.

Now I understand unemployment or financial hardships are no “picnic” for men or women…and I’m not discriminating here…but it’s my experience…perhaps because I live in the South…that women coddled by their upbringings…with no financial point of reference…other than male providers to pick up the tab… and what credit card to swipe…are often ill-equipped to look after themselves during a financial crisis and don’t know the first thing about investing or saving. These women…single…married or divorced (financial hardship doesn’t discriminate)…even the “Buckhead Betty” with generous monthly allowance…need to do a financial health check…get involved…like its “Junior League”…and protect themselves.

Look no further than Ruth Madoff…as a cautionary tale…don’t you think she wishes she’d asked ol’ Bernie a few questions about his financial “wheeling’s and dealings” as the Feds went after his ill-gotten gains…or Theresa Guidice; our favorite NJ Real Housewife and convicted felon, who “unwittingly” signed fraudulent loan documents…oh… and closer to home that recently divorced friend with the wealthy ex husband, who’s left broke with three kids…yep…there are examples all around us…of women who were only too happy to live the “good-life”…no questions asked…until it came all crashing down.

There’s nothing more empowering than a woman knowing her own currency – and that means Earning her own money, Knowing the dollars in her Bank Account and Investing in her future. Look after your wealth the same way you would, your health, and don’t assume someone is doing it for you. And why would you want them to? Own it…like you would a Louis Vuitton purse!

Know your currency! If you don’t, no one else will!

No Sex Tape

Steve Jobs called it his “Reality Distortion Field”… “The Spice Girls” called it “Girl Power”…and well my mum…she simply called it “You can be anything you want to be. Long before I’d heard of Job’s “Reality Distortion Field “or “The Secret” and “Law of Attraction”…my mum was sowing the seeds of my own “RDF” making me believe that I could do anything and be anything I wanted to be…that is…hmm…hmm…anything…but a Porn Star, ladies.

Back in the 90’s…“Porn” was still taboo…and certainly the idea of parlaying any homemade variety Sex Tape into an income-generating proposition…unconscionable and distasteful for any Scottish God- Fearing Mother. Let’s just say Mrs. B. while equally formidable as the “Kardashian Matriarch”…was not quite as liberally minded…and would’ve knocked the living daylights out of me …or as she used to say “I’ll give you…your head and hands to play with”…at the mere suggestion of me using my “hoo-ha” for financial gain…much less negotiate a deal with Vivid Entertainment. Of course…there was also the reality that I didn’t have the “t*ts” and couldn’t stand the sight of my arse in a mirror let alone on a 42” flat screen…both putting the nail in the coffin of any Big Screen Porn Flick aspirations before Mrs. B. could.

Now with a “grainy Sex Tape” off the table…as my “launchpad” to fame and fortune…preferring to keep my panties on and self-respect intact… I decided to study International Business with Foreign Languages. I loved to travel and had an appetite for foreign languages…and hoped that one day I could merge the two into a successful business career where I would travel the world…and hopefully, one day…make the BIG BUCKS!

“Global Logistics Company looking for Business Graduates…must speak a foreign language…flexible to travel and live in other countries…” Hell, it had my name written all over it and I was going to get it. As they say “you know when you know” (job-wise anyway)… and even though I really didn’t know…what “Logistics” was…it could’ve been international drug trafficking for all I cared…too late … the visions of jet settin’ around the world in Business Class…attending Boardroom meetings in a sharp business suit…already taking shape.

Before anything could take shape however…this was pre-Spanx Ladies…an “BI”… Before the Internet …I had to apply for the job…a handwritten application form no less! “But why?” I hear you “Millennial Ladies” gasp. “Couldn’t you just get the job?” or better still “Why did you have to work?” – perhaps the best question of all. Well, my “Millennial Peeps” here’s the thing…this was a time, …before “Keeping up with the Kardashians”, (yes there was a time!) “The Real Housewives” – and Reality Shows in general, and call it old fashioned, but one didn’t parlé a homemade VHS SEX TAPE…or 15 minutes of Fame from “Paradise Island”…or any other “I-have-no-discernible-talent-but-give-me-a-platform to-be-famous” type TV show into a Perfume Line and Billion Dollar Empire!

It was also a time before you could “SnapChat”, “Instagram” or “Tweet” your way to fame and fortune…so as lame as it might seem for you Millennial Ladies – the options for “Gen-X-ers” like myself – with no discernible talent except for sleeping…were Welfare (not an option)…Bag a Sugar Daddy (…or as my Dad liked to call it “someone with deep pockets and shortness of breath”…no way) or last but not least, an original idea…get a job…better still forge a career! Yes, I know the options sucked but those were the days!

If it didn’t suck enough that I had to get a job…I also had to undergo a bunch of testing (yes I know the nerve) as part of a Nationwide Recruitment Campaign that included Psychometric Tests…Aptitude Tests…“Role Play” (No…not that one … boardroom ladies), and a Presentation in a foreign language…followed by walking a tight rope balancing a jug of water on my head…only joking about the last one but you get my drift…only after all that …and stalking their HR for a couple of weeks did I land the job. I know I couldn’t believe it either…had the “Aptitude Test” in fact been for a “Lady of Leisure” and the “Role Play” not for the boardroom or…more likely… had there been a mistake? Little did I know that 20 years later I would become quite the expert in handling large packages…and it’s true BIGGER IS BETTTER!

The PIP

Hands up if you’ve ever been put on a PIP – aka the Performance Improvement Plan where no Improvement is planned? Dontcha you just love a plan without a plan! “There’s a plan for everything else” ...you shout… a Strategic Account Plan… a Call Plan…hell…there’s even a Pre-Call Plan for the Call Plan “but why no plan for the PIP”…you ask. Well…that my friends, is because all the planning and plotting started Pre-PIP!

Nothing signals the death knell of a Sales Career…like the Performance Improvement Plan – the Grim Reaper of Sales Performance Tools – where no improvement is ever planned. The PIP as we Sales People affectionately like to call it, is wheeled out like the defibrillator; only it’s a feigned resuscitation attempt at salvaging a career, that you may or may not know yet (but will have a feeling), is about to be placed on life support, only with a better shot of you cheating death, than saving your job. 

Often served up by some hapless Manager with a side of sympathy and poor eye contact (who’s usually part of the problem y’all) the PIP is one way to avoid any inconvenient truth about Management Performance – instead, ensuring that any blame falls squarely on YOU – the intended target. It’s funny…how in Corporate America, Management likes to say “There’s no “I” in Team”…”It’s WE”…”It takes a village…” “Company DNA”…rah…rah…rah…well that’s all fine and dandy…that is…until you’re placed on a PIP…and then “It’s all YOU ”…”WE” just got up and left your damn ass…to make way for a new ally “CYA”. As “WE” races for the exit door, “CYA” enters by another door…a hidden door…ready to quietly throw your ass under the bus…as you’re left asking yourself what the hell just happened!

When a Sales Person is “winning”, the self-congratulation and back-slapping goes all the way up the chain…in the spirit of ”It takes a village”…with everyone except the Sales Person’s dog jumping on the bandwagon to claim victory…and “kudos” for something they weren’t even part of it. Where’s the collective ownership or responsibility when someone is put on a PIP? That’s right…there isn’t any! Of course the goal of the PIP isn’t to drill down and figure out why someone isn’t performing, but instead, is a passive-aggressive means of beating a person to the punch, causing them to run for the door before being pushed.

The PIP is supposed to give a Sales Person the opportunity to shape up, or ship out, within a certain time-frame…hmm…hmm…when you and I both know, it’s the proverbial “heads up” that your ass is grass…and time to update the resume! I mean “Hello”…how’s 60 – 90 days…going to change the mind of a boss who’s in “CYA” mode with his mind already made up! Correct it’s not! The PIP is nothing more than Management ticking the HR box and creating a paper trail in the event of any litigation once your gone, and anyone who tells you anything different…well they’re lying.  Any proffering of a plan, help or any type of coaching should’ve come “Pre-PIP”…when you no doubt informed Management…that you weren’t feeling supported…your billing sucked and your largest customer wasn’t happy with your service!

During my 20-year sales career, I’ve seen PIPS dished out like candy at Halloween, sometimes deservedly so…but other times not so… used as a convenient way of managing people out under the pretext of non-performance, when in truth, it could’ve been for a variety of reasons; an inept boss who didn’t like the employee, the company didn’t want to pay commission (or severance), or Management quite simply wanted fresh blood. Whatever, the reason, the PIP is a very effective way of putting the nail in the coffin of an employee’s career, while ensuring the very opposite of its purported intention, improvement, happens.

The Pussification of America

Fed up hearing about the Modern-Day-Cinderella, a woman who instagrams her way to fame and fortune one photo-shopped bikini SELFIE at a time…or tweets her way to infamy, the only heavy lifting required…her fake booté? #METOO.

You’ve also heard of the “Wussification of America” right? The name given to the demise of the Strong American Male, the “Alpha Dog,” only now a dying breed (you know the one that used to take control of more than the remote…and made a decision other than what ESPN channel to watch) replaced by a growing trend of “insecure-still-suckling-at-the-teet-of-his-mother-aged 30-something-male” who bless his heart, is more in touch with his feelings than y’all! Yeah I hear ya sista! We all know one, or worse still have dated one…no shame!

Well as annoying as it is, this is not what keeps me up at night! Oh no! It’s the other trend; and one that is more pervasive and corrosive to women’s’ values everywhere. And that is ladies “The Pussification of America”! Not a term you might find in the “Oxford English Dictionary” perhaps, it is no less a growing phenomenon that is robbing women and young girls everywhere of their self-esteem, self-worth and most importantly their value.

I touch on it in my book, but I believe I need to say it again just in case you didn’t hear me the first time. Also it might be that I like to repeat myself. We are in a dangerous place, ladies, where we are de-valuing our own currency faster than the “Chinese Yuan” and trading our self-worth so readily that we make NAFTA look lame. Do you really want to trade your values, like a pair of cheap jeans made in some sweatshop in Southern China? I think not! We are better than that!

In today’s Social Media obsessed society, young girls are learning that their body and not their brain is their currency, that self-esteem is measured by the number of likes received on any given day – and the “SELFIE” the closest thing to self-love they’ve ever known. From “The Kardashians” to “Teen Mom” and everything in between, Reality TV and Social Media have helped enable and proliferate a culture of instant gratification teaching young women that “Success” is entitled not earned…Trashy behavior rewarded with a “Reality Show” and “Rehab” the new normal for lack of accountability and responsibility.

With every “cleavage-bearing-instagram-shot” you are handing over your power and telling the world – and of course every “perv” out there – that this is all you got. Yes I know you think the opposite is true and that the guy you like thinks it’s hot. Remember a guy worth having will think it’s not! C’mon ladies it is time to put the girls away and focus on the currency within and not the exterior! Women have fought for centuries to be treated, as equals to men, to be respected in business and to have the right to vote. Let’s not give our power away like a disposable pair of panties!

My concern is that today’s young girls…tomorrow’s young women…are a ticking time bomb…of “Self-Esteem” issues… the byproduct of a generation … constantly bombarded with sexualized images of everyone…from “Miley Cyrus” to “JLO”; their only point of reference for success The Kardashians. Today’s young girls… more than ever… are learning that “Sex” sells … that the fast track to wealth and success… isn’t “Education”… but stripping off and getting a million “Likes” on Instagram. 

With no shortage of good female role models out there (Sara Blakely, Sheryl Sandberg…Ginni Rometty…to name but a few)…unfortunately the ones garnering all the attention…and the “likes”…are the wrong ones…while the women worth aspiring to…are less conspicuous… too busy running billion dollar empires …to have the time…or the desire…to strip naked for a legion of 100 million Instagram followers…the majority made up of impressionable young girls. 

My hope in writing my book is to show these same young women…that you don’t need to show your “t*ts and a**” to get ahead…that with a good dose of  “Old fashioned PHD” (Persistence, Hunger and Determination) you can do anything you want…and better still…get there…with your self-esteem in tact…feeling more empowered than ever.

There is nothing more powerful in life than “Knowing your Currency,” and there is no dollar amount, or number of likes on instagram that can replace the feeling of knowing your success is built on the foundation of hard work, overcoming adversity, self-discipline and NOT the superficiality of a “hot bod” and good looks that may, or may not stand the test of time. 

Know your currency! If you don’t, no one else will!

Ghosting, Benching or Caspering?

In the spirit of building my platform… I think it’s only fair to share a little bit more of me with you…and I’m not talking about getting “the girls” out…or any other parts of my anatomy…sorry fellas! I’m talking about sharing stories that are in line with my book…inspirational, uplifting or just downright bloody funny!

I will leave the “Debbie Downer” posts to others…the animal cruelty, the politics and the walking away from drama (note: normally the ones walking away…caused it in the first place)…oh and the inspirational quotes…like “You are Enough”… well I know I’m enough… so no need for me to post them either. Instead my page will be a haven for levity and good humor…where anyone with a sense of humor is welcome!

So to cheer y’all up …I thought I would share with you a little dating story…after all who doesn’t love themselves a little romance…especially in today’s digital age…where “courting” and “romancing” of a glorious bygone era have now been replaced by “ghosting”, “benching” and “caspering”… the latter apparently the newest term used to reject someone nicely instead of disappearing without a word! How very kind! 

I don’t know about you ladies (or fellas) but whatever happened to “Sorry…I’m not interested”? I mean “Caspering”…WTH is next! “Gizmo-ing?” My sister had a lovely cat called Casper… god rest his wee soul…only now his name will be forever remembered as an analogy for a “nice” rejection via text…and not as the namesake of one of my favorite cartoon characters growing up…”Casper the Friendly Ghost”!

I can just hear it now…John said to Mark “I ghosted Tracey, benched Julie and caspered Stacey so I could date Sue”!! Whoever said romance wasn’t dead…obviously hasn’t had to deal with this new age digital/texting/sexting crap. Our dear Scarlett would be turning in her grave…that’s for damn sure!

I digress…it all started out so innocently, so “hopeful”…one beautiful Sunday afternoon “on a packed “MARTA” train”…on my way to the Super Bowl LIII…2 months ago! Across a sea of Pats Fans…a “Tom Brady” look alike locked eyes with me…his dreamy gaze taking my breath away! Just joking…here’s the dealio! I was on MARTA… on my way to the Super Bowl and as one of the lucky few to bag a seat on a busy train I got chatting to the guy sitting next to me… who was also headed downtown to partake in the Super Bowl festivities. During the short ride from Buckhead to downtown…we had normal chitchat…he asked me where I was from…and by the end of the ride, we exchanged numbers.

Now I know what y’all thinking…”She exchanged numbers with some random guy on MARTA…sounds a bit iffy”…but he was a regular clean-cut guy…and yes I know “Ted Bundy” was clean-cut too…but this guy didn’t give me a serial killer vibe…and let’s be honest…meeting a guy on a train and exchanging numbers…is no more iffy than exchanging numbers at a bar with a guy…when you’re three sheets to the wind.

Anyhoo… I don’t want to turn this post into “War and Peace”…so let’s call this guy MARTA GUY just to keep things simple! Shortly after said train ride…and the same day…MARTA GUY texts me telling me…it was great meeting me and that we should grab a drink sometime! I responded that it was nice meeting him too. Tone “pleasant”…not “over-eager”! 

This was early February folks…then nothing! Was he perhaps planning to grab this drink with me in 2020…or benching me…who knows…but as someone who can buy their own drink…I was like “whatever…next”! Fast forward to April…and out of the blue…MARTA GUY texts me…”Just checking in”…starting to sound familiar ladies? While this timeline doesn’t exactly spell “chompin’ at the bit” (as we would say in Scotland) to grab that drink with me… more like “Let me weigh up all my options…” I was open to whatever…since this had been a casual encounter. 

MARTA GUY continues…You were on my mind…wanted to check in with you and wondered if you’d like to grab a drink or lunch…when I get back in town. I said “sure” and told him to let me know when he’s back in town. He says “Sounds great”!! So far, so good! No need to read between the lines, decode the texts…this is all sounding very straight-forward…isn’t it ladies? No game playing, no hedging, and no playing too hard to get…just mature communication…very adult I thought!

And right on cue, MARTA GUY circles back with me. He keeps his word too!!  WOW just WOW!!

MARTA GUY: You around this week?

Me: I am

MARTA GUY: Awesome! We need to make this happen then!

Me:  Yes…we need to make it happen this week or late May. I’m headed out of town next week.

MARTA GUY: Well then def this week

Me: Ok. Let me know what works for you and we can work it out

MARTA GUY: Cool. Let me figure something out and we will make it happen. What nights are you available this week?

Me: I have plans Wednesday and Saturday but other than that I’m flexible.

MARTA GUY: Perfect

“PERFECT” he said. Well that was easy I thought…a man with a plan! 

As someone who tends to take people at their word…I expect follow through and I expect communication when a plan changes! I know the nerve…right! So the week came and went with no word. No text to cancel, no text to reschedule…nada!! And at this point nothing short of being hit by a MARTA train and laid up in the ICU would’ve been excuse enough for me!

Then Sunday night rolls around…

MARTA GUY: Hey you? How is your weekend going?

Now do I look like I’m off the slow boat from China or what? “Hello”…you were supposed to circle back and let me know the plan…NOT…circle back after the week is over…and ask me how it’s bloody going! Obviously I didn’t respond. Seriously, do I look like a woman …that badly in need of a drink? I don’t think so!

And then when I didn’t respond…3 hours later…

MARTA GUY: Where is Clare? LOL  (smiley lol face)

Now I know they say, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” but in this case…this guy is from freakin’ Pluto! What part of the memo did I not get?? So peeps please decode what just happened! Was I benched, caspered or WTH just happened?

Ghosting, Benching or Caspering.- which one is it ladies?

Straight Outta Corporate America

Well the cat is out of the bag! I’m officially out of Corporate America…Woo Hoo!! I actually resigned over a month ago but I wanted to take some time to deliberate my next steps before making my final decision.

While the lure of a steady paycheck is a powerful thing…I had to ask myself a more powerful question! “Was I happy doing what I was I doing?” And my answer was a resounding “Hell to the No”! Can you relate? 

I write in my book about women knowing their currency (both self-worth and dollars in their bank account) yet here I’d become a number on a scorecard…my value measured in percentages in red or green…depending on how well I’d done that particular month. Since when did my value become a metric, based on some flavor of the day scorecard…and yet that’s what I’d become! A metric! 

Well I don’t know about most of you…but I believe I was born to do something BIGGER than exist in a job that I no longer felt passionate about…in an industry that’s going downhill faster than Lindsay Vaughn on a black diamond. The truth is I want a life bigger than me, and one where I can find my true purpose…and then splash it all over Instagram…letting all you lil worker bees know how great my life really is!

Seriously though…many of you know that I’ve written a book…and many of you have been asking where the hell is it! I know “Like hurry up already…where can I buy this Pulitzer Prize Winner?” Well here’s the deal! About 6 months ago I sent my 60-Page Book Proposal to a NY Literary Titan…someone who represents many NY Times Bestselling Authors… and his response was “While I think it’s salable…and that you’re onto something…I’m not going to represent you because you don’t have a platform”! WTH? A platform? Was he talking about…the shoe? 

Suffice to say, it’s no longer enough to show up with a completed manuscript that is “Salable”…in the high falutin’ world of New York Publishing…and instead you need to “arrive” ready for prime time with your audience already tuned in, tapped in and following you…before your damn book is even published! Think Kim Kardashian! If she rolled up to a Publisher…”sans book” she’d have a book deal faster than you can say “Sex Tape”! Unfortunately, it’s a sign of the times we live in when you can be a Z-List Reality Star or “Celebspawn Influencer”…barely able to spell your own name (or get into college without a “bribe”)..and get a book deal…whereas for the regular career woman like “moi”… it’s a whole other bag of chips!

So what’s a mere mortal like myself to do…someone who has toiled away in Corporate America for over 20 years and doesn’t have a platform? That’s right I have to create one! I was desperately trying to avoid becoming one of those annoying people who ask you to “Like” their page…worse still ”Follow” them…however, it would seem times are a changing…and if I want to be successful in this new endeavor, I’m going to have to hop on the Social Media Bandwagon myself and become annoying too!

More to follow as I figure out this next chapter (no pun intended)…stay tuned!